whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
