Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
