I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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