I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
