May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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