Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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