C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
