Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
