I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
