you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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