My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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