she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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