Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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