i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
