my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
