she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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