you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
