the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
