I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
