so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
