this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
