did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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