final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Barsexuality is the new black.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
