my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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