Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
