I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
