Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
