no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
