Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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