haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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