I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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