just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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