Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
