we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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