i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
