Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
be right there i have to get my cape
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
