Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
