Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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