you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
