You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
