just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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