Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
