so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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