it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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