I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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