Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
