I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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