I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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