you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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