and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
