Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
