what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
