Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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