Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
