He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
