Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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