KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
