The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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