Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
