she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
