i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
