Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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