She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
